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Your "OWN" Husband

Who do I follow when my husband falls? What's my responsibility as a wife?

7/22/20243 min read

man in white shirt sitting on swing chair under coconut tree during daytime
man in white shirt sitting on swing chair under coconut tree during daytime

“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.”

‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭5‬:‭22‬ ‭KJV‬‬

“OWN.” A three-letter word that was tucked in there to keep us “godly wives” in check… ever wondered why God put it there?! This verse and topic has come up several times recently. I have come across marriage and church situations where wives are being “submissive” to the opinions of other husbands. Just not their OWN husband. They gravitate toward the desires and opinions and “godly advice” of their pastors, teachers, fathers… over that of their own spiritual head, the husband. There’s nothing wrong with having godly counsel, a good pastor… but the sin comes when we put these men above our own husband.

It starts out that the husband has a fall or a fault that comes to light. Then the wife no longer feels it’s her God-appointed responsibility to follow her husband anymore. She runs to other men to help her make decisions - over her husband’s head or behind his back.

If the husband is trying to receive help for his problems and get right, and wants her to go somewhere or get counseling or move and start somewhere new. Well, HE can do what he wants, but SHE is going to stay with HER family or HER church.

Shes rebelling, and using his problem as her excuse. But there’s no excuse!

I hear the same phrases:

“Well, I TOLD him I just wasn’t going. This was his mess to fix.”

  • Attitude of a rebelling wife with no real regard for her marriage and its outcome.

“Pastor said we should do such and such, but my husband wants to do it this way, and I just can’t side against the pastor.”

  • A pastor is the shepherd of the church (1 Peter 5:2-3), but he’s never considered your “spiritual head”, nor is he the head of your husband. (1 Corinthians 3:11) Pastors are to lead the church, and give good counsel. But when your husband makes a decision for his own home, you will give account to God on how you followed your husband!

“My parents would rather that I stayed behind and we separated ourselves for a while. Besides, he needs to prove himself to me…”

  • Is this a forgiving, restoring heart? Is this how Christ treats us??? Does this show the character of a spouse who is leaving and cleaving the way God intended??? (Galatians 6:1-2, Ephesians 4:32, Matthew 19:5)

These statements are given as if to “paint a picture” of a woman trying to follow her godly authorities, and deflect from her passive disobedience to what God wants first and foremost. (Matthew 19:5-6) Following godly authority is all well and good, as long as she’s following her first authority, and that’s her HUSBAND. Not some other man that she deems spiritual and wants to have leading her. In a way, she’s committing a “spiritual” affair with this other man, instead of honoring God and following the head of her home. The only exception to this would be in a situation where your husband was asking you to participate in something that was MORALLY WRONG.

If your husband has been taken in a fault, honey, I am SO sorry! I know the strain that creates on your marriage, especially early on! But to REBUILD or RESTORE anything, you need to be ON THE JOBSITE! You’ve got to be present for your husband. You have to show him you are on HIS side. He NEEDS his wife for his accountability, his cheerleader, his friend, and yes… his lover! Look at him, laugh with him, date him, and remind him that you two CAN survive this. Two are stronger together, especially when they stand with the Lord! (Ecclesiastes 4:12)

Give him EVERY reason to protect his integrity and testimony moving forward! Give him the opportunity to fight for his home and his family, and be the MAN of his house as God desires. At that point, what he does is between him and the Lord. However, as his wife, you will have done exactly what pleased your Heavenly Father.

This is always a touchy subject and one of the hardest pieces of advice to give to a betrayed spouse. But it is Biblically sound truth. You are hurting too! But as your sister in Christ, allow me to encourage you!!! It is our duty to be at the front of the lines in the battle over our marriage, and as an extension of grace and mercy for our men. You just make yourself willing, and God will do the rest!