Surviving Triggers
3/22/20247 min read
Last week, my husband, our three children and I went out for a little family night. The car was loud with laughs and cutting up. We were singing to the radio, and then we swapped up to some comedy. My oldest just got his permit, so he is driving us around the big city. We ate seafood, fed gators, and took selfies. This day was a WIN in my book. After what God has brought us through, every new memory is a gift. He has been so gracious to me!
Then, we headed to a favorite ice cream shop. As we hit the top of the exit ramp and sat at the red light, I glanced to my right at a hotel right off the interstate. BAM! Immediately I was transported back to just a few years ago. I’m no longer in the happy car, with my happy family. I’m a dazed, shaky wife, standing in the small lobby of that hotel, wearing sunglasses to hide my swollen, tear filled, bloodshot eyes. I am watching my stressed, nervous husband as he fumbles with his credit card and tries to slap a signature down on a paper receipt to check us in. This wasn’t a romantic getaway. This was a room for the night, so we could talk, cry, hurt... away from our children.
Only 48 hours before this hotel scene, a bombshell had blown my little fairy tale life to dust. Infidelity, and a lot of other stuff I was not prepared for. Those old familiar feelings started creeping into my head and heart. How could I so vividly remember that moment and that place, when I hadn’t even thought about it in so long??? This one, disgusting moment in time, that I had so carefully tucked away, was back, and ready to pull me under.
All of the sudden, the comfortable southern autumn evening I’d been enjoying with my family and living my blessed life in the present... felt like a refrigerated, ice cold hotel room, staring up at the ceiling in the darkness, and all that nauseating pain from years before. I panicked sitting right there in the car, thinking… “Here goes the rest of my night and possibly my weekend, working through THIS???” The next ten seconds would determine how destructive this trigger was going to be.
Ever been there?
Triggers are an awful side effect of past hurt. They come out of nowhere. In a matter of just moments, you feel like there’s ice water running through your veins, and all the color in your world has faded into some sort of grey-scale TV show and you’re watching life move on around you instead of living it. The activities of the day are pushed to the back of your mind, while this one thing, this one horrific triggering thing takes over everything inside of you. You struggle to make conversation, maybe even feel like your brain is going numb. Heart rate jumps. You want to run and keep running. Out of the room, down the road, out of town… running til you feel “safe”. In the hours or days to follow, you feel like your mind has been hit by a tornado and thoughts are hard to collect as they swirl about in the “wind” the storm left behind. If only you could just sit still, stare into space, be left alone in a quiet room until you could get it all back in order, and then rejoin everyone out there in “real life’. Its paralyzing, humiliating, aggravating and there is nothing you can do to get back to where you were emotionally just minutes before.
Triggers can be people, places, thoughts that run wild, dreams from the night before, a song, a picture on your timeline… its almost impossible to avoid them! I hate them. I long for the day to lay triggers aside and walk Heaven’s streets without them. What a day that will be!
Triggers are traps, or temptations to lose yourself to Satan’s torturous devices. You feel helpless to escape and trapped in your own head, watching a blooper reel of pain on a never-ending loop. Numb, unable to stop it!
No. I haven’t found a cure for being triggered. No matter how often I think, surely, that’s the LAST time this-or-that can bother me, I am proven wrong. But I have recently started trying to control the fallout of a trigger with God’s help. It’s still a work in progress but maybe I could share some ideas that would help you as you face yours. These are easier said than done sometimes; but as the old adage goes, “practice makes perfect.”
So, practice thinking on these four things next time you get triggered:
1. The circumstances that created this trigger, are no longer my reality.
The past is the past, and that’s the only place this trigger has to live. It isn’t relevant to my present because of what God has done in our situation. So the only way this trigger can bring me down, is if I fix my eyes on the rear view mirror of my life, and I can choose not to do that with my Father’s help. I have a great big windshield for gazing at my present and future, and everywhere I look, I see GRACE! So, sorry, but I can’t allow myself to fixate on what’s behind me today.
1 Thessalonians 5:21 “Prove all things; hold fast that which is good.”
2. I did not cause this, and so I have no need to run and hide.
That’s right, say it again to yourself and keep that in mind, because Satan tries to destroy us with his lies, doesn’t he? He is always trying to twist my mind into thinking I am the one that doesn’t belong or fit in this scenario. That I need to GO. But I am not the one at fault, and neither are you, so we have nothing to run from. That desire to “flee the scene” is just an emotional default for danger.
If the trigger is a person, maybe they should feel the need to hide or be ashamed. But whether they do or do not is not my responsibility or business. As I walk through Walmart or pump gas at the filling station or sit in a drive-thru staring at the passing traffic, I am right where I belong and God would have me. My conscience is clear, and I was not the cause of this. Satan doesn’t get to wreck my life with whomever and whatever is out there. He has claimed enough, and with God’s help, I’m taking back my life, my town, my memories, my routines.
3. God is for ME in this battle.
I’m sorry if that comes across selfishly, that’s definitely not my intent. But dear friend, if you are trusting God and following His leading. If you are standing your ground with your marriage, children, relationships, etc. If you are trying to walk in forgiveness and desiring to give God the glory in all this mess you have going on... then simply put --- God is for YOU. He will handle any issues that arise. Isn’t that comforting to know?
Proverbs 16:7- “When a man’s ways please the LORD,
He maketh even his enemies to be at peace with him.”
In my own personality, I am a peace maker! I want to fix things, bridge gaps with people who have pushed me away, hear the apologies that will likely never come, keep the peace at whatever cost. I just want people to like me, or at least to be “okay” with me. (“Why can’t we all just get along!!!”) But that is not my job, and it's not yours either.
God wants us to move away from our triggers and trauma, live joyfully and allow Him to heal us. The Lord will take care of the rest! The negative triggers or people that we are dealing with… God is more than capable of handling. It’s not my place to speak out, to make “digs” at, to socially attack, or to try and be their “Holy Spirit”. The Lord is far better at bringing about their healing and correction as He sees fit. He certainly doesn’t need my help. “Staying in my lane” allows my God to fight for me, and it helps me to avoid unnecessary triggers from outside influences that I would inevitably be opening a door to.
4. I need to remind myself of FIVE TRUTHS and give THANKS.
Five truths because that mentally helps me to overwhelm any triggers that are starting to dig into my brain and wreck my day. Your magic number may be different than mine! What are some realities you can use to combat a trigger? What are some little blessings you are enjoying right now? Name them and thank God for them. Use gratitude for its medicinal properties! Now, you have essentially stalled and confused that trigger right there in its onset. (The proverbial shoe is now on the other foot! Take that!) I know it sounds crazy, but it will work. You are slowing down or halting the process of being triggered altogether and you have effectively given God the glory. Win-win!
Now, this is a step you should plan for ahead, because if you are under attack and “triggering”, it may be hard to focus on the blessings. Plan ahead some go-to items for your gratitude list. Choose some big, miraculous things you have seen God do! Keep those handy for when you need them. Triggers are battles with Satan, and a good soldier needs a battle plan! Weaponize that thankfulness and continue to live in the peace and grace God has given you.
2 Corinthians 2:14 - “Now thanks be unto God,
which causeth us to triumph in Christ...”
I wish I could tell you that we could completely obliterate triggers for good, but we can choose not to be their victim. At the very least, we can lessen their impact on our lives. Read that verse from James again. I don't know about you, but I desire to have that perfect work of patience in my life. I may not be quite ready to ”count it all joy” when triggers come along, but with God’s help we can live in victory over them.