R.I.P., Grief

Psalm 119:28 - “My soul melteth for heaviness:

Strengthen thou me according unto thy word.”

I have often shared, as I have walked my journey through trauma, how nice it would be to have a resting place for grief. Some little marker or tombstone, somewhere in the woods near my house, where I could go on those bad moments or hard days, and just grieve.A place where I felt “allowed” to lay it out in the open and just be honest and raw with God about how I felt about this part of the healing process. Then, in some magical way, I could just leave it all there. Walk back into my home, my marriage, carefree and unhindered by a burden of pain and all its triggers.

No, I wouldnt be beating a path to the graveside of my past on a daily basis anymore! But there are moments here and there, where I feel that familiar heaviness in my heart, and I realize that today is just gonna be a day to mourn some things. Its been a few years and I suppose with any trauma, there will always be those moments. But you may be reading this, having just entered into your valley of grief. Or, maybe you have been there for some months or years now, but you just can’t seem to move on.

We have gravesides for loved ones where we go and remember, and mourn. But when it comes to personal, emotional, relational traumas, we simply carry them around with us as our life continues to happen. There doesn’t seem to be an emotional or physical way to lay it down. At least, not for people like me. I stuff hurt, negative emotions down deep, and then I pile busyness and sarcasm on top to hold it in place. But thats not healthy. There is a better way, if we are willing to let God in...I’m just not always good at letting God in! I like to think I’m so over this and in control of how grief effects me. I’m so tough, and I can handle this, until it knocks me down again. Right?! Can you relate?

It was never God’s intention for our bodies to be caskets for our grief.

That “brick” in your chest, that you are still so very aware of, has a purpose. I know how unbelievable that seems from where you stand, but God ALWAYS had a plan… from the very beginning! Long before this trauma poisoned your beautiful fairy tale, God saw it on the horizon. He allowed it in His infinite wisdom. He sees the purpose and potential it could have for HIM. Now, its just up to us to LET Him have it. My eyes are tearing up even as I write these words, because I know in my weak humanity, I find REST in knowing grief does not have to be in vain!

Let us try to look at grief, not as a trial, but as an exercise. A chance to exercise our faith, and our spiritual mindset. To strengthen our obedience. To build up stamina in our patience as we wait to see what God is desiring to accomplish with this grief.

Today, we have one of two choices as a child of God.

We can choose to carry this weight forever, making sure as time passes that our grief is all that defines us anymore. All that anyone knows about us.

We can take that burden of…

The Loss of a Spouse

The Death of a Child or Loved One

Marriage Betrayal

Divorce

Severed Family Relationships

Failures and Mistakes

Long-Term Illness

…and we can almost entomb ourselves with it.

We can make it clear that God was in no way able to comfort us in a time of grief. We can proclaim to the lost and dying world and to fellow christians that He was not our Shepherd, Deliverer, Dearest Friend, Comforter, Sustainer. We can push God away and cling tightly to that grief out of familiarity, consciously choosing hurt over healing. We can bury that “brick” in our chest until the day they bury us in the ground! But our grief would have no eternal value. Our spiritual lives and testimony--- utterly wasted.

Or…

We can choose, today, right now, to allow God to carry that grief for us. Dont even worry about tomorrow, next week, next year. Just today! Minute by minute as we go through today, we can constantly turn that hurt and pain over to the capable hands of our Creator and allow Him to see His purpose accomplished. Each time we feel that darkness of despair creep into our fragile hearts and minds, we can run to our Heavenly Father for support, for healing! We can rest that burden with Him, and take a break from its weight. We can allow His peace to hug us tightly in the midst of our overwhelming pain. We can show the world that is watching us, just how POWERFUL, MIRACULOUS and LOVING our Savior is, that He could give such a grace and peace right here where we are. We can allow ourselves to take a backseat as He received all the glory in this heavy, painful chapter of our story. We can grieve, but with purpose.

And then… there will be another chapter. One that has already been masterfully written by the Author and Finisher of our faith!

Oh, friend, it’s ok for us to visit places of grief, but we dont have to live there.

1 Peter 5:10 - “But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus,

after that ye have suffered a while,

make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you.”