Every Thought Captive...

This weekend, I was asked to send pictures and videos of our youth outings to a former youth group member. I laughed and replied.. “Sure, I know I have some, somewhere…” But inside the dark cloud began to creep in. That would mean I would have to dig way back on my phone’s photos… like, a decade! I haven’t gone back more than a five year mark in my photos, intentionally.

I have this barrier in my mind when it comes to my photos. My Facebook memories. My picture drawer in the house. I don’t cross THAT line. That date… that year…

Why?

Because my mind starts playing this game of mental ‘dominos’ with itself. One memory falls over, and then another and it starts a chain of hurtful memories I can’t stop.

My mind is soooo good at remembering little painful things. It links photos to timelines to people and places so very well…

“So this picture was of that birthday when we were altogether… but then that was the day that...”

Or… “That was taken the week before such-and such happened - and I should’ve known… and how stupid was I???”

Before I know it, a quick glance at family pictures and memories turns into a week or two of

trying to dig myself out of a dark, depressing hole.

So I just quit looking at the pictures from “before” or “during”. Over the years, I never got rid of them (thank the Lord!). But, I just didn’t open the drawer, turned off the Facebook memories, refused to scroll back too far into the photos on my phone. I replaced all the frames in the house years ago with “safe” pictures and moved on.

But this past weekend…

I got curious. I recieved a few pictures from our former Sunday School attendee and I saw faces from years gone by. I smiled back at them. Gosh, we were so young?! I knew my phone held DOZENS more memories like that.

Dare I?! “Every thought captive… Right? (2 Corinthians 10:5)

So I crossed the timeline. And would you know??? I spent nearly two hours that evening cautiously scrolling back through memories I hadn’t seen in years. My babies faces… videos… my husband and I… church services… holidays… birthday… vacations… loved ones who have since passed on…

Triggering? Maybe. But only for a moment. It was different now. Time had past, and wounds were healing. Now those sweet faces and memories weren’t out to get me! Not anymore. The memories, the places, the old familiar moments were MINE again.

I had tears in my eyes at all the past I was reclaiming. It was a victory. My David and Goliath moment. But the battlefield we had met on for our final showdown, was in my mind.

The enemy that had stolen so much of my confidence and my sense of security for years now… had fallen. TO GOD BE THE GLORY.

And the lesson? The lesson is that time does heal all wounds. And what time can’t heal?

Well… God’s glorious grace will take care of the rest.